Red Pony Farm: A journey in motion

Feed myself as carefully as I do my horse?

(Excuse please the cut and paste mess this turned into--they are ignoring my attempt at added spacing! and I am out of time.)

Endurance News magazine this month has a lot of good stuff, but it has one thing in particular that excited me. A new book describing a method of feeding myself that could result in there being less of me to feed! It's called "Riding For Life" and is written by Rallie McAllister, MD an avid rider herself. Signed copy's will be available at the AERC 2008 Convention in Reno in February. There is more about the importance of our own fitness for riding as well as information on feeding ourselves like athletes. I will tell you more once I have scored a copy and read it. But here is the basic method for a balanced human feeding plan. Ralie mentions the fact that we often so carefully scrutinize everything we feed our horses in competition while paying little attention to our own food consumption.

Theory:

Feed only the pounds you want to keep (a balanced diet) and the remainder will fade away.

Formula:

Goal Weight multiplied by 11 (for women, 12-14 men) = daily calories

Based on 50% Carbs, 30% Protein, 20% fat balance

Daily calories multiplied by .5 = carb calories

then carb calories divided by 4 (# of calories per gram of carbs) = grams of Carbs each day.

Multiply daily calories by .3 to get total Protein calories.

Divide protein calories by 4 (# of calories per gram of Protein) = Daily Grams of Protein

Multiply daily calories by .2 to get Fat calories.

Divide fat calories by 9 (#of calories per gram of fat) = Daily Grams of Fat

+

For me it works out thus:

146 * 11 = 1606

1606 * .5 = 803

     803 / 4 = 200.75 grams of carbs

1606 * .3 = 481.8

     482 / 4 = 120.45 grams of Protein

1606 * .2 = 321.2

     321 / 9 = 35.7 grams of fat

+

I chose 146 pounds because it is the least I have weighed in the last 15 years

And I liked being at that weight visually and athletically

However, I was counting calories and not balancing carbs, protein, fat

So perhaps that contributed to how weak I would get during workouts (?)

I want to know if eating this way at 146 pounds “feels better”

+

GOAL:     To Weigh 146 pounds   

Carbohydrates: 200

Protein:               120

Fat:                       36

+

I'm giving it a try and I'll let you know how it goes. Oh dear I don't want to own up to how often I'll be using my dinner time grams of carbs on This Stuff.

+

ALSO:  HELP TRAILS FUND and treat yourself to an inspiring read:

Quote from the side bar at AERC site:

"LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT HOLIDAY GIFT AND A GREAT WAY TO HELP TRAILS?
Every sale of Julie Suhr's superb book, "Ten Feet Tall Still" brings $24.95 in donations to trails funds. Call the AERC office at 866-271-2372 to order your copy. The total price of $29.95 includes tax and shipping. Thanks to Julie and thanks to all who purchase the book!!"

~10 weeks off

Dread hangs like cobwebs from the corners of my world, thick with the dust of confusion, they stick to my arms and face as I claw my way through each day. My tasks seem to large, details are lost in the long moments that I am frozen with the fear of moving forward. Success becomes elusive. Conversations are all but impossible. I look forward to nothing but sleep, and perhaps a day (so few and far between now) when I will feel OK. I long for the dark stone Labyrinth and wonder if I to am just one tiny gun shot away from the restful shelter of the familiar faces of my mother and father smiling down. I cannot live this way. I refilled my prescription for Lexapro. There is magic in Science. I am astonished at the speed of the change. I sit quietly reveling in the experience. A clean wind blows the air clear around me. The dread is gone. My thoughts are unhindered. All the things that come to mind seem possible. my tasks are a pleasure and I am humming again. I couldn't think how to describe it to Dan. All I could find was: "It's gone, it's just gone: that hugely powerful feeling that sounds like a droning voice over and over in my body and in my head, forever repeating, again and again, 'I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.'  "It's quiet now"  I told him. "It's just not there anymore."

Did I fail to be free from having to take a drug to be OK? Maybe. I will visit with myself again next year and see how it goes. Till then: This I can do.

The New Theraputic Riding

As some of you know I have been struggling this past 6 or so months with some sort of hip infirmity. Well I came off Sydney when he started leaping and bucking during a canter--we had just had a lovely canter along Deerwander after passing the Deer Farm. I thought another would be fine after we turned the corner onto Mansion road heading back home. Heading back home: Sydney has never been out around that loop in that direction (once in the other direction) but he knew we were now heading in the direction he had wanted for over 2 miles and he was in a hurry to make time. I would have let him have his run if he could have stretched into it. He couldn't. He got himself all balled up and then started leaping and bucking. It caught me off guard I lost balance and came off. I landed flat on my back on Mansion road. Mansion road is gravel--nice smooth rock-less dirt road. I landed squarely on my back--hips/low back slightly ahead of my head. I was intent on not letting go of the reins and was dragged by my left arm for ten of so feet before I realized poor Syd was in pain from my weight on his mouth with the reins still over his head. He didn't run home and leave me to walk the ~3 miles back. He stopped and let me catch him and find a spot on the shoulder of the road where I could reach his stirrup. So I posted the three-ish miles back. And pondered over the hematoma rising off the side on my ring finger, the fact that I couldn't feel it at all, and the amazing realization that my hips felt OK. I had some missing skin on my back and bruised ribs but my hips were OK--no my hips were better! Over the next couple of days it became apparent that I had fixed them. I had my strength Back! I could do things I haven't been able to do for months! I could run with a bag of grain in my arms! I could mount Bonnie from the ground! I could lift my feet / legs off the floor while bent over with my hands on / or near the floor--not being able to do this has been such a nuisance while climbing over portions of the construction site that I have been living in this winter. I am amazed I am in awe. I am strong again! And my finger is already mostly healed.

What a huge relief

In July/ August I began clearing for paddocks on Lithos. Not a great deal of planning as I just needed the most accessible and easiest to clear areas. Ones I could get arranged well enough for this winter. Spring would be the time for serious planning and creating. Lots of young pine had to be removed. I started out with my bow saw for the ones too big for my loppers. I would cut them down and drag them out of the paddock area and pile them. I was soon getting up to the ones with trunks greater than 3 inches in diameter and had to get out the chain saw. I like quiet tools when they make sense. The trees were now heavier and I began to notice I was having a lot of pain in my inner thighs and groin area. I thought I would adjust to the new activity. I just popped lots of Ibuprofen and went on my merry way. Then it was Sep/ Oct and I was still clearing and now carrying logs and lugging many filled water bucket long distances and clearing debris from the areas that had been logged and where horses were now going to be negotiating. I was getting much more sore. At times I was be stopped in my tracks by the pain. There were times when I needed help getting out of the truck and Dan would have to push me around in the wheel chair cart at Home Depot piling things in my lap, or I would end up riding with the lumber on the large carts because I had crippled myself with the first attempt to push the darn thing. I was getting nervous. No, I was getting scared. These are the thoughts that were repeating in my little brain: I am working hard to create a large farm on which I will continue to work and play in the near future and long into retirement, and here I am not able to finish a day on my own two legs! I'm going to be crippled. I will be enjoying my farm from a 4 wheeler seat! The degenerative disc disease has advancing and all that's left is to have 5 of my vertebrae fused, which I couldn't face. Well, December came and I finally had to go to the Doctor. I sat on the table and told him my sad and frightening tale. He had me walk for him. he made me touch my toes. He felt of my spine. He asked me lie on the examining table. He lifted my legs and bent them this way and that. "Does that hurt?" he asked at me a every movement. "No" I repeated each time. Occasionally I said it felt like a stretch. He had me do leg lifts. Then he took my leg and pulled it way out to the side in an exaggerated one sided  "split". "Does that hurt?"  "That feels like a BIG stretch I answered, cause I never do that! "Well, he said, there's your problem." It was as easy as that! He gave me stretching exercises and things to do to strengthen supporting muscles to aid the ones I am using in such a new way. I guess us older folk have to pay attention and help a bit more our old bodies to adjust to the new abuses we think up. I suddenly feel 27 years younger and am planning to re-introduce a bit of jogging this weekend! And I have managed to keep off 9 of the 12 pounds I lost this fall.

Another Matabolism Change?

I have been struggling with this and been in denial for a while now. But the fact is that my body is changing again and this time I can't go out and run 3 miles a day to burn those calories. I went through the first and what I thought was the only metabolism change in my 20s after my last child was born. I just couldn't lose that weight and panicked. I felt sick and old! I discovered that I had high blood pressure! My Doctor suggested Jogging and biking and less salt and junk food. So I redesigned my eating habits, OK, I can't eat everything I want when ever I feel like it anymore. I can adjust to that. I took up jogging and rode my bike a lot more often. It worked. I lost 19 pounds , the blood pressure went back to normal and  I was happy till in my 30s somewhere I noticed I was creeping back up the size chart. I didn't believe I had been doing anything differently. But I tuned up my jogging into almost really running and started doing long treks through the woods trail with my dogs. That was a blast. I lost weight and so did the dogs. Then I went through the weight training and muscle building phase of my life. That really worked great with all those hungry muscles I could eat like a horse again. but all those hours in the gym took to much time away from the farm. And so I lost interest fairly quickly. Then 40-42 came around and I noticed I wasn't bouncing in those falls from horseback so well and during one round of x-rays it was discovered that I have degenerative disc disease. A nerve gets pinched that affects hip and knee pain on a regular basis. I cut back on jogging and my weight started creeping up again. This time I pretended not to notice but every 6-8 months I'd be in need of a larger sized jeans. So at 44 I was trying all the old tricks that worked in the past and nothing was helping. It's a little scary--especially when your passion is ponys. At this rate I will past 19% of my ponies weight in less than 2 years. 19% of my ponies weight being the ideal maximum amount that I should ask her to carry--acorrding to EQUUS magizine. I know that there a lot of ponies carrying a lot more than the ideal and doing fine with it, but for some reason this really bothered me. So , anyway, I will be 45 this month and I must admit for the first time in my life growing older is worrying me--with all this weight gain and back pain. Then along comes a book called Eat To Live by Joel Fuhrman MD. My fitness Guru MG lent it to me. I have just ordered my own copy on Amazon for 9.48. This guy seems to make sense. It is a diet for health, for folks suffering with health issues brought on by obesity. It's main concern being health and the first obvious side effect of the changes prescribed is that you drop lots of weight. It works--so far. I have lost 3 pounds this first week. And I can eat all the fruit and veggies I want. I never have to go without eating even when the only reason I'm reaching for food is because I am bored to tears waiting for tests to finish at work, or I need my comfort food upon arriving home. I am sort of sliding into the new habits. I haven't gone 100% into following the guidelines. Others have done much better in their first week. But I am happy with just turning the tide at this point. I still have the disc issue but if I have to be less active because of it maybe now I can relax my worry over getting a big as my pony. Oh, which reminds me I sent for the promotional DVD for the Endless wave pool. The add keeps popping up on the weather.com page I think. Maybe that's the ticket to getting my fitness back without hurting my back! I'll keep you posted. And I'll hopefully have more time to write in detail soon!

Dr. Ha's Magic Potion

This little pouch holds an ancient Vietnamese secret remedy for a head cold. The kind that deposit globs of goo in your throat and start you gagging in the middle of the testing lab and make everyone run away. Well I think it is a fresh batch from the old recipe. But the smell lends me to worry a little. MW was repulsed by it. I thought it should have smelled spicier, like some of the other remedies Yen has brought me--or like those dehydrated ginger root things she brought me for the sore throat sort of illness last year. This smells sort of like beef stock, though not quite but altogether animalish somehow. MW says it's definitely Yak tongue and testicle of water buffalo. I didn't ask him how he knew that.

"Can dring morning, But, bes jus befo bed. Is very har to swallow but maybe wor for you. Wor for me befo." She explains.

"It smells like,  like . . . I can't tell , like maybe soup?" I ponder, stuffing my nose again into the little pouch. "What is it?"

"I tell you if you geh well, na now. You dring, migs with wada, can migs soup, but wada betta, hu wadda, na hu like bur you, hu you can stan, jus lil, na whole cup, is very har to swallow."

"Oh, it taste bad. right?"

"My Mudda say, if taz goo, too easy, na hep you." She laughs easily.

She bought me a jar of Vick's Vapo Rub to! How thoughtful! And she isn't even working today. She drove out from town just for me. I gave her a big hug.

She does massage as well and knows 30 some odd pressure points that can help me get over a cold too she says. I won't even mind having to drive to town for that treatment. She gave me a sample. OOhhh man.  I was just telling my husband the other day. If I won the lottery I would spend all my money on massages and back tickles the way mom used to give them when I had nightmares.

I have to get busy recruiting Yen for our retirement compound on The Hill. I mentioned it to her but I think she won't take me serious till I show her some progress. Only crazy Americans talk like that, she isn't convinced I'm crazy yet I guess. That shouldn't take to long.

Mending

I walked without the crutches today. And I made it all day at work--if you overlook the fact that I was 70 minutes late.

The orthopedic doctor, Scott Marr, told me that the tear is not so extreme and the hematoma is not that huge--though I still can't get even my 'loose fit' jeans on over it. He actually wrote "muscle strain" on the prescription for Physical Therapy. He said wean off the crutches over 5 days. So I'm not going to do anything that hurts overly but I'm not using the crutches all the time. I start PT Friday.

The guys in the Software Testing Lab have been so good to me. Mike W. got my morning coffee for me. Mike G. got me hot water for my noon tea. Tom offered to push me to the cafe in the lab chair. I said I needed a 'sedan' (Tom filled in the name I couldn't think of for a fancy chair on poles that the guys would carry me around in-just in case one of you didn't know what that was called either.) Then I could say, "No I'm not injured, I'm getting the respect I've deserved all along." Mike G. calls me 'the Queen' because I always make my lab chair tallest for the impromptu lab meetings--I have to! I'm certainly not going to gain any stature for my vast computer knowledge. They gave me a card with signatures of well wishing friends and jabs about my dangerous hobby or/and my recklessness.

I am so proud of myself! Someone just called with a 9 year old mare to give a way. She has a torn stifle ligament. She is 1/2 thoroughbred-but sweet and likes to be petted and brushed--unlike my thoroughbred. She may be fine after some time off but it's the second time it's torn so,  no big career in Dressage for her. The owner is giving her away to an approved home. I said  "No". She's 15.2 hands tall--tall enough for taller students like the one I had to turn away 3 weeks ago. But that was 1 in how many years. It costs ~2000.00 a year to keep a horse. I would need more than 1 taller student to make it work. I'm not even advertising for lessons right now. I don't yet know what I'm doing horse business wise this summer-- banging my head on the ground hasn't shaken up any good ideas yet either. But I do know this: I only have 1 spot left out there and it has to be filled by a boarder!  I did good. I can learn this little math quiz stuff after all.

But I'm OK: The Fall

This is a revision of an e-mail that I customized and sent out to friends this weekend:

I got dumped by Dove in the orchard Saturday. Completely my fault: I should not have been in a hurry and continued to try to mount a green horse who was stepping off when I know she gets nervous with the whole balance issue at times still! Very bad idea. Safety should always be number 1 ! But I had gotten off and on so many times that ride and even from the wrong side.  Because every time we trotted or cantered she knocked a boot off with a back foot--maybe bell boots over will help. But we were on our way home and I wanted to go back for the stirrup pad that I had seen in the path of the orchard but forgotten to go that way and pick up on our return rout. It was found missing after last weeks camera crash episode. Anyway Dove was not patient about it. Though she had been fabulous up to that final 'turn around and head the wrong way' decision. She wasn't refusing to turn back or doing anything really obnoxious she just slowed down and then wasn't standing still to be mounted once I got the stirrup pad in my pocket. I got up anyways and in doing so sat off balance and She ran off and then bucked.

We are not sure how long I was out--the clock on my cell was off so we could not check the times of the weird phone calls I made--though I think I didn't try to use the phone before I fainted. I remember the horrible pain on impact when my gluteus medius tore away from my pelvic bone. I remember trying to get up and get to Dove who was just meandering toward home while grazing. I fought hard to be able to see her clearly and get to my feet. It took 150% and I remember groaning loudly and not caring a hoot if someone heard me!  I took a few steps before fainting. I remember going down again. When I came to I was in a grass cage. I thought I was drowning in it and had to fight to get out. When I finaly got up I tried to see where Dove went but it was hard to focus and I couldn't figure out where to look. I don't know how I knew which way to go home. I guess it is just ingrained and I don't have to think about it anymore after 30 years. I must have tried to use my cell phone, the one I always keep in the pocket of my breeches when riding, close to that point. But I couldn't remember names and numbers. I tried to dial my home but got wrong numbers (call log says so) I only remember speaking to one person. I apparently call  Mike G. twice and left nearly incoherent messages. I don't remember the walk home prior to reaching the little clearing behind the paddocks. But I remember having to hang up on Dan at one point on the way because he was asking too many questions and I couldn't speak and keep moving at the same time. I was sure that moving was the only thing that matter just then. I was very scared and so disoriented! I couldn't remember where Dan worked or how to call him back. I was thinking about my mother reading me bedtime stories and that I had dreamed this fall previously  . . . (?). While coming across the clearing I noticed a missed call on the screen of the phone and pushed the button to 'call back'.  It was Mike G. He made me promise to call 911 but I was thinking of the expence and getting so much better by then. I thought I couldn't be that bad if I could walk.

I don't ever want to go through that again. I always wear my hard hat. I think I may invest in one of those expensive titanium ones now. I found Dove in the paddock. Dan (who had just come from Seabago Brewing Co. after 3 mud slides and having a still sore leg himself,) had gone looking and found her in the clearing behind the paddock, just moseying into it,  still grazing.  He led her back. He said she came right to him like she was glad to see him--poor thing, probably thought she'd been abandoned. He removed her saddle and put her in--

But, all I knew when I saw her, besides how much I was hurting was that I needed to get her hosed off and check to see if she hurt herself on her free journey home while I could still walk. Though it took the whole time hobbling the 300 foot length of fence along the paddock to the barn to piece together if I had been riding at all and then who it was I had been riding since I was dressed for riding. What a hideous feeling that was. I went to Dove first because she was closest and found she had saddle marks and sweat still. She was fine and I hosed her off and put her back in. I knew that I was going to the hospital so also managed to throw hay to Willie and Annabelle.

Dove is fine. I rechecked her Sunday Morning. I have no serious effects from the concussion except that I nearly fainted still after getting up a few times yesterday--I'm supposed to be still for 2 days anyway--and I still can't sense the passage of time very well--most excellent for alleviating boredom at work--I kind of hope that one stays. They gave me CAT scans of my head and pelvis. No brain or organ bleeding going on.

They told me no weight on that leg at all,  that depending on how bad the muscle separation is and how much blood continues to pool in my hip, I could be inches away from loosing functionality of the leg forever. I think they just told me that to scare me-so they don't get sued in extreme cases. It worked very well.   

Mike G. called me yesterday morning to see how I was doing. He saved the message I left him (the one that had real words in it) that I have no memory of still. He said I scared the shit out of him. I said I scared the shit out of me too. He will play it for me if I want to hear it.

He sent his EMT friend, John, Saturday to meet me at my house. He arrived as I was leaving for the hospital--I was going to drive myself--he said NO WAY. He came into the house and told Dan to drive me. Dan was a tiny bit grumpy about it but then he rallied and was good to me once he realized that I had been knocked out and leaving nonsensical messages on folks cell phones. The Doctor at Maine medical Center, said I could have easily not made it if I'd been hat-less--as I'm sure they tell everyone. Why do folks chance it though? I can't wait to tell my friend Carole. She stopped coming to ride with me after I bought insurance and my agent insisted that I make sure everyone wears one. But she'll be insulted that I think she would ever fall off. Maybe there is something safer to riding western--that saddle horn. Or maybe she has better common sense than I seem to these days! I think I have fallen too many times and not gotten hurt. I lost respect for it. I think I have it back now.

Taylor came out yesterday and spent 4 hours cleaning up manure, hosing off everyone, schooling Dove, and lunging Annabelle. She is wonderful. Lucy from Vienna (everyone was away at show, (Lucy's turn to farm-sit) said to call her if I needed anything. They all are  so very excellent! Pam said she would drive from Vassalboro to help out. Jen and Dave are coming to cook us dinner tomorrow. They are all settled in at Concord New Hampshire from California. Jen is doing the traveling nurse thing. But that is still 2 hours away! I am humbled and amazed and so truly thankful to be surrounded by such groovy friends.

Oh look at that, it is after 8AM. I can call the Othopedic Guy now. Yippee. Details later . . .

Vertigo

Taylor Called me back this morning. She said she wouldn't be able to come out and ride. She's been sick several times this spring. Apparently Thursday she woke up so dizzy that she couldn't get out of bed. She has a show tomorrow. her mom doesn't want her to over do it. I over heard a man in the cafeteria at work last week talking about being ill and the room spinning and not being able to drive. MG said a woman at his fitness club was having similar troubles. Tom has bouts of this spinning nausea thing. I have had it off and on for the past 7 years. The first episode was very traumatic. I would get spinning and throwing up so badly I thought I was going to die. I carried Meclizine always in my purse during the first years. It was frightening to put my head in a particular position (not always the same one) and instantly lose all ability to determine which way was up or down. To have my eyes and brain verifying that I was tumbling in some carnival ride from hell, when I knew I was lying flat on my back in bed was enough to send me into a panic attack. I would break out in a sweat and throw up violently. I went through a barrage of neurological tests and an MRI. I had no idea what was wrong. They found no reason for this to have happened that first time. The first episode lasted about 4 months. After nearly a year with no spinning I continued to worry because I had no ability to predict an episode. I still don't. I had almost 3 years between episodes once. Then last fall in Yosemite it came back for 3 days. This spring it happened again. about 5 weeks ago. I can't figure it out and it's not letting up. I have some really good days but yesterday was nasty and today not much better. My Doctor has given me exercises. I find the position where the spinning is worst and I stay there until it subsides. Then I move out of it and back into it. I repeat this over and over. It does ease the violence of the spin. Each time returning to the 'spot' creates less of a spin. Most of the time it works, Not always. And sometimes when the spinning goes away it leaves behind a mild headache and nausea that just makes it hard to function, But luckily not always. Looking at the PC screen can be a challenge--and I have to do that a lot in my work. Most of my spinning is not violent this year, just sort of jerky repeating hitches of sideways or diagonal motion. I am not afraid of it anymore. I have learned to continue and adjust my movements. I can actually walk a straight line now while my world does this strange dance.  It's the nausea that gets to me the worst. This episode I have had some strange light shows go on behind my eye lids while spinning at night. It makes me think it is associated with some sort of pressure somewhere. I would love to hear from anyone with similar experience with Vertigo and what you have found helps. I would especially like information on research.